Getting Your Spark Back

Its so easy to get lost in the busyness of life and forget to tend to your own needs. Somewhere in the process you lose who you are and that spark you have.

I’ve heard a lot of people say someone “stole” their spark. The first step to getting your spark back is to understand that no one can steal it from you if you don’t let them. You have the power of your life, your decisions and your energy. Don’t let other people decide how you feel, react, act, etc. You are the designer of your life, so live that way.

We all have something that makes us so unique, our energy. Our energy is what makes others drawn to us and makes us happy with our own selves. Our energy has everything to do with everything. Your energy shapes your internal thoughts, your external appearance, your reality, etc. You have all the power in the world to change, tweak, give, take, manage your own energy. Others, however, should never have that power. You are giving your power away by letting others control the most important thing in your life. Your energy is how you see different experiences and opportunities.

Two siblings grow up with a mom who is always bashing them. One of them grows up to believe the lies she told them about herself. She let her moms’ own insecurities and energy take from her own. This left her with little to no energy, which took from her confidence, her outward appearance, how she holds herself, the way she thinks about herself and much more. While the other chose to ignore her mom’s bad energy. She holds herself with confidence knowing that her mom has no control over her life’s outcome anymore. She took her power back by not giving any power of merit to her mother’s negativity. Not only will the second sister live a much happier life, she will have the confidence to not only go after opportunities when they arise, but she will see more opportunities because she has a higher energy. When you believe that you cant do something or live in negative thoughts about your ability to succeed, you won’t be looking for opportunities to prove yourself wrong.

Another reason you may lose your spark is trying to fit in with a group that you were never meant to even mingle with. You don’t act like them because you weren’t meant to. This can be due to unlucky geographic placement, or unlucky family dynamics, etc. Regardless, in a world full of opportunities (such as the internet) you have some way to get in touch with the real you. Once you find what makes you tick, what feeds your energy and your spark, never settle for someone who makes you feel less than for feeding your energy. God made you beautifully and wonderfully as YOU. He knew what would make you smile. God created us all with our own touches and own sparks. If you are denying who you are at a core, you are sure to lose your spark over and over. Find what makes you tick, do that, and cut the people who don’t support the real you out of your life. Sometimes you have to cut out people and things from your life to make room for new people, things, and opportunities.

How to get your spark back

1. You have to realize that your life is what you make of it
2. Write a life list- everything that you want to complete in your life, then in the next 5 years, then the next year, then the next month, and then week. This differs from a bucket list because this may be small stupid things. My Life list may have “Go skydiving” right next to “tell my boss I hate them, quit, and figure out what I truly want to do with my life and then reinvent myself.” When writing out these lists, don’t be judgmental to whatever comes out, whatever you think, write it down. This exercise can help you uncover what you truly want, and recenter you to make the most out of your life and find happiness again.
3. Journal- In general, journaling can be one of the best things ever. Its full of healing, discovery, and much more. I never really understood what people meant by “journaling” like am I supposed to look up prompts like my high school English teacher would give me? You can if you want, or you don’t have to. Journaling can be as simple as writing down a list of habits you want to incorporate. Things you want to do this month. It doesn’t need to be planned or organized to the T. Journaling is about letting ideas flow out of you.
4. Romanticize whatever season you are in. If it is fall- throw a sweater on, grab a coffee, go for a walk, end up at a coffee shop where you read a book, pretend to be Rory Gilmore (or your favorite fall feeling character) and I promise you, life will start having some color again. Once your vision starts being more colorful, you will become more colorful and exciting
5. Self-Care. Take that spa night, I promise it will make you feel better. A person with less stress can enjoy moments more fully than one who has an 80-pound boulder on their back.
6. TAKE THE BOULDER OFF YOUR BACK. You are responsible for your feelings and no one else’s. Your spouses, your siblings, your mom, your friends’ feelings belong to them. Their actions belong to them, as well. Stop trying to carry the weight of someone else’s world on your shoulders, and that will open so much room for you to love yourself more and love others more. When you carry the load of someone else’s, you can’t help them fully because you can’t be fully you. Anyone who insists that you take on their issues as your own, is not a friend, they are foes.
7. Do something ordinary every single day. Do something that scares you, excites you, or that you have never done before.
8. Cut back your screen time. I know BOOO. But for real, high screen times have been linked to depression and anxiety. Would you rather tell your kids a funny story or a story about how you watched a funny video? It could just be cutting back maybe one episode a day to start and instead of watching your show from 7-8, you play a board game, or go for a walk. Start connecting with real dopamine, rather than fake dopamine fed to us daily. (Watch this video The Battle for Your Time: Exposing the Costs of Social Media | Dino Ambrosi | TEDxLagunaBlancaSchool)
9. Make a new playlist that has all your favorite songs on it. Then listen to it daily and sing along
10. Self- Help. This by far has helped me the most in my life. If you feel inspired to be better, you will be better, and in return you will feel better about yourself and you will love life. You could read a self help book, listen to a podcast, go to the gym, create a savings plan and stick to it, quit smoking, have a habit to incorporate, eat in more than eating out. Chose just one thing first to do, and if it doesn’t make your life better in some way, then at least you can say you tried.
11. Surround yourself with people who support you, make you feel like the most authentic and best version of yourself. If they don’t allow you to be fully you, then they may be one of the reasons you lost yourself in the first place. If they want you to be fully you, only to steal your energy out of jealousy and spite, then they also don’t deserve your presence.
12. This world is full of opportunities. Keep your eyes OPEN. By open, I mean so open. Let everything inspire an idea in you. If you have nothing holding you down, then look for jobs across the country just for fun. You may find an opportunity you would have never dreamed of. You just have to put yourself in the position to do so. Look up your interests in google and look for groups, conventions, clubs, near you and then join them. Opportunities are everywhere, you just have to open your eyes and take them.
13. When you have an inkling, interest, or impulsive thought- FOLLOW IT. Exploring and trying new things is the only way to find your true potential. You cant say you hate ice cream or aren’t good at eating it, if you’ve never tried it.

How to Protect your Spark

1. Don’t let other people have power over you. It is important that no matter how secure your relationships are, at the end of the day the only person you can truly count on or control is yourself. You can control and count on your emotions, actions, and attitudes. You cannot control anyone else’s, and you don’t need to because you have the power to respond. When you try to control others, you lose the ability to fully control yourself because you are leaking your power and your energy. When you start letting other people’s energy bring yours down, that’s when you start to lose yourself and your spark.
2. Identify your needs and then respect them. Set those boundaries.
3. Find out if you are truly an introvert or extrovert, read about it and then respect those needs.
4. Take time for yourself daily/weekly, whatever you need
5. Write a list of things that make you feel energized truly to the core and make it a goal to do something from that list everyday (even if its just 5 minutes).